Crafty Thoughts

I’d forgotten how much my soul needs to be creative. Feeling energised and inspired this morning and not just about the polymer beads I learned to make yesterday. Somehow the experience of being out of my usual routine, meeting new people and learning a new skill has rewired my brain which previously was becoming dull and lifeless. The day just flew by yesterday and my back aches today from concentration. It is always a pleasure to attend courses at the beautiful Farncombe Estate in Broadway – it is worth going just for the panoramic view.

I left home rather stressed, as I’d had to get ready early whilst trying to extract myself from usual morning duties at home. I hadn’t driven more than a mile before I found huge hot air balloons drifting low across the sky before me – magical! Then I listened to the news on Radio 4 and learned that a UK resident had won £54m on the lottery. Had a few moments of deciding how I would spend the money and then I discovered a lovely Celtic CD in the car. There were hardly any cars on the road and I spent the rest of the journey speeding along in a relaxed trance.

The course tutor was lovely, just as I had imagined her, crafty and a little scruffy, so willing to take ideas on board and accommodate the needs of the group. As always I was struck by the links between the group members in terms of occupation, homes, study and interests. It would be interesting to have a helicopter view on how people select a course and what brings these groups together. The spiritual part of me thinks that we gather on purpose to perform healing and past life linkages on some level.

Regardless of any of this, I left at 4.30pm with a bag of beads made by little me. These will inspire jewellery projects made from the precious products of my imagination and possible a whole new foray into this craft. I also had an intense desire to pass on the skills I have learned to Mum, sister, friends and my little boy. Money well spent I think.

Seasons

Springtime.
Gained parental praise
with academic accolades.

Summertime.
Explored careers,
love and spiritual crusades.

Autumn time.
Skills harvest, but
procrastination invades.

Is wintertime
a barren place,
legacy of blank charades?

My husband believes in me!

One great big kick up the back side I think. We were discussing future plans and I suggested that I go back to work to contribute to that future, but my darling wants me to give myself one more year to pursue my writing dreams. Help, that feels scary but maybe the push I need to stop dithering in the shadows and get out there.

At least with decisions made, even if we change them over time, I can stop this frozen feeling and get stuck in.

I had a weird dream last night, my office was in a cafe and people from my past kept discovering me there and giving me, verbally, pieces of a jig-saw. I don’t remember if I finally solved the puzzle, but it felt almost as if I was given absolution from many different aspects of my life. Maybe the release I need to finally move forward and be who I am meant to be?

The Value of Good Friends

I had a girlie lunch today with five friends. We laughed, we talked, we sang and we combined energy and I believe all felt better as a result. I am grateful to have friends with whom I can let my hair down, be silly, be sad, say naughty things and cry if I need to. The value of this is not to be underestimated.

Yet how do we come to meet these friends? Chance encounters? Energetic resonance? Past life recognition? I firmly believe that the friends I have at the moment are part of my soul group.

Gratitude is something which is lightening my heart at the moment, I am grateful for so many things in my life. This has an added benefit, because when I am grateful for so much, little niggles do not seem to have quite so much impact. The maxim “what you focus on expands” comes to mind or my favourite “red car theory”, so if I focus on gratitude I will find even more to be grateful for. This may sound sugary sweet but it seems to work so don’t knock it and maybe join in!

Back to School

The Christmas decorations are down and suddenly the house looks bigger and cleaner. I miss their sparkle, but I'm enjoying the space created by their absence. In fact, it reminds me of a book on my son’s bookshelf “A Squash and a Squeeze”. It’s the one where the old lady complains her house is too small and is told to invite a variety of farm animals to live with her. When they all leave, her house seems massive. There must be a moral in there somewhere.

It is the time of year for New Year’s resolutions but I didn’t specifically make any this year. I am trying to improve things all the time these days and my 1-20 monthly wish list is fine for me. ‘Doing more of the same’ could summarise my desire for the year. I think I’ll add to this ‘doing more things outside of my comfort zone’ as I have become a bit of a scardy cat when it comes to travelling and adventurous holidays.

My perspectives are changing. I would have loved deep snow during the holiday period, as it would have meant lots of play with my son. However, I now find myself dreading it on the weather forecast, as it would complicate the school run. Back to routines tomorrow. Setting the alarm, ironing school uniform and cleaning always muddy school shoes. Still it will mean more time for me and writing. 2010 feels like it could be a good year.

Poetry Pressure

I find myself not envying the Poet Laureate. My current course of study is poetry and I need six poems by the end of the week. The instructions said to “make these your masterpieces” and to “show off your skills”. Result of instructions? No rhyme or rhythm. The words are refusing to line up or make sense. Poetry to order does not work for me I think. Remind me of this please if ever I am offered the Poet Laureateship or something similar.

The ideas are percolating though, so at least that is something. The bones of six poems have appeared on the paper but they are fuzzy and unformed. I think I need to relax, detach and let the magic happen in its own time. Forcing my mind through the mincing machine is producing, as you would expect, minced up poems that won’t gain me any accolades.

Please can I have a poetry angel assigned to me? Preferably today.

Where did it go?

If I blinked, I think I would have missed Christmas this year. All the planning, buying, cooking and shopping and then it seemed gone in an instant. I can't help thinking we should be trying to do it differently, the meaning has got lost along the way.

Add to this the powder keg of sticking families together for prolonged periods and tensions are bound to arise. No wonder marital problems are rife at this time of year.

Mothers harassed, trying to juggle overexcited kids, getting impossible Aunt Flo a present whilst writing Christmas cards, making sure the fridge is full, on top of normal chores, are bound to be tetchy.

Children are excited about the prospect of Christmas gifts, Santa arriving and being off school, but suddenly find themselves aimless and bored with the adults in their lives acting out of character.

Husbands are often oblivious to the extra work demands on their wives and take little part in the Christmas frenzy, apart from a last minute dash to the shops on Christmas Eve to get their wives something which smells awful or doesn't fit. And woe betide the man who buys his wife something practical like a food processor - I can still remember the frosty Christmas produced when my father did this one.

Family parties which throw together relatives who wouldn't normally dream of spending more than half an hour together. I generalise of course but you get the picture.

I hasten to add that our household was peaceful at Christmas with no arguments. That didn’t stop me getting rather tense, especially when my pastry decided to resemble a brick on Christmas morning.

I awake on Boxing Day with tensions eased, no particular agenda and enjoy looking at my new books in my dressing gown. Blissful peace in the house and the sun shining. So why do we get so caught up in the Christmas machine, when our modern version of it has no link to the real meaning of Christmas? I vow to do it differently next year - but will I?